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Not everyone was built in the Martha Stewart prototype. And that is okay — actually, more than okay: It’s the way things HAVE to be! We need electrictians and car mechanics and bakers and cooks and teachers and someone to empty the trash and someone else to fill it up.
I admit, I have more than a little of the Martha gene — I love creating a cozy home for my family. But I’m too impatient and too left-brained to spend more than (guess what!) 30 minutes on any one project. Some people don’t even want to devote that much — and again, that’s just fine.
I loved this great essay that my mentor, Carrie Wilkerson, forwarded me to share with you. Carrie is many things — teacher, instigator (in the best possible way!), organizer, businesswoman, momma — but Martha she is not. This essay had me laughing out loud and smiling more than a little.
Focus on Your Gifts
I come from a long line of domestic geniuses. Really—the women in my family, cousins, aunts, grandmothers and most noticeably, my mother—are all very domestically talented.
Their homes and kitchens are blank canvases on which they create beauty and design. When the women in my family entertain, it’s as if the pages of Southern Living magazine have come to life. The paint colors and fabrics in their homes are just right. The foods are created as much for beauty and presentation as they are for taste.
My grandmother, on one occasion, went so far as to drive two towns over to find printed toilet tissue in a certain design and color so that it would blend in her guest bathroom and presumably, impress her guests. (I am not making that up.)
I come from a family of women that are a combination of Mary Poppins, Martha Stewart, and Julia Childs.
I, however, am not one of them.
My mother has always said it gives her “great joy” to see everyone enjoying the food she’s spent so much time and energy on.
That’s not my take on it. It really irritates me that you can spend a day shopping, two days in the kitchen preparing a special meal and it takes the family 20 minutes to inhale it and two hours to clean up the mess. What kind of math is that?
I guess I’ve been in business too long. I don’t feel like that’s a good return on my investment.
Let’s see, I can spend two hours washing and cutting up vegetables for a munchie tray, or I can go to the local grocery store and buy a veggie tray with dip for $12 and be done—dish included! Now that I can get excited about! (Oops, should I have said crudités?)
As a matter of fact, we consider it homemade in our house if we have to warm it ourselves.
Bless my kids—they told the babysitter she really needed to learn how to make macaroni and cheese the right way. They weren’t sure why she was using the stove and a pot, but they were pretty sure she was doing it all wrong. (Yes, I have a microwave shortcut for blue box mac and cheese, so sue me.)
Like most families, we are always working on the perfect plan for the dream house.
The kitchen didn’t take long for me to figure out, we’ll have a dorm-size fridge for snacks, a microwave for emergencies, and a sliding glass takeout window so delivery drivers can just drop things at the window.
No need to waste their time by making them ring the doorbell, right?
We don’t eat out every night, but I admit we do fix convenience foods. Frozen family dinners and crock-pot kits have a designated spot in my freezer. Canned and frozen veggies are a staple.
We rarely frequent the produce section except for berries, after all, McDonald’s sells peeled apples, Sonic has bananas and Wendy’s has mandarin oranges. Why deplete the grocer’s inventory if I can get it peeled, cored, and seeded elsewhere? (I’m just doing my part to stimulate the economy.)
I’ve made jelly many times (thanks to my high school Food and Nutrition teacher Mrs. Moseley) and I can sew if I set my mind to it (thank you Mom and Mrs. Worlow). I actually used to constantly amaze my husband by creating things from nothing. I cross-stitched and scrapbooked during different eras of my life and while I enjoyed that, those seasons have passed.
I dread the thought of paint or wallpaper. I know the “look” I like, but decorating really isn’t my thing. Like the women in my family I do love to entertain—but don’t expect handmade crepes and homemade paper invitations with torn edges…unless I have family in town to delegate to.
I most likely still have boxes in my garage and bedroom that haven’t been unpacked yet. I think they lend a certain “nomadic” quality to my décor. (Shhhh, I even have frames hung on the wall that have the fake picture in them!) They are keeping that spot on the wall clean, and I’m waiting for the perfect picture to fit!
I will never convince the women in my family that my way is the right way. They get such a buzz from inventing and creating.
But I’ve always somehow known that these are not my gifts…I’m better serving the world at large by focusing on what I’m good at.
I sing. I speak. I write. I tell stories. I entertain children (and adults too.) I have a talent for business. I can sometimes inspire others to action.
And I’m reminded of a Bible story about Mary and Martha. These sisters were entertaining Jesus and other guests in their home. While Martha was busily cooking, preparing, cleaning, and fussing, Mary was at the feet of Jesus learning and worshipping. (I think she was probably singing too.)
Martha was very upset about Mary’s lack of ‘effort’ (I am fairly certain she brought a pre-made veggie tray), but Jesus more or less told Martha that all of that could wait—Mary WAS serving Him… with her talents.
My home is cozy—it’s a kick-your-shoes-off–make-yourself-comfortable kind of home. And be ready to visit and chat, I won’t be tied up in the kitchen.
My husband, in a moment of impulse, told me if I would marry him, I’d never have to cook, clean, or do laundry if I didn’t want to. Well, let me tell you girls—I think he’s reconsidering his offer: 18 years, 4 children, and 9,836 loads later.
But what he encourages me to do, is to focus on my skills, my gifts and my talents. Where do you excel? Where can you shine?
Carrie Wilkerson
The Barefoot Executive
http://theBossMovie.com
Thank you, Carrie, for sharing that with us. What a great reminder that we can spend our lives bemoaning our lack of skills or interest in one area, or rejoicing and using our talents where they already reside. Bloom where you’re planted!
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